So, who here struggles with negative self talk? If you tell me you don’t then either you have already began this journey or you are not taking time to reflect on what is going on in your head. We all have that inner critic, that negative voice in our head that lets us know how horrible we are, that we don’t measure up and how we suck!
For so long there was this negative chatter in my head telling me horrible things about myself. I hated myself and I didn’t even know it. I talked down to myself, I looked in the mirror and hated what I saw. I didn’t even notice they were there or where they came from. Until, I took a sales job and I realized I was afraid of rejection. When I took that first step, and acknowledged that, so many other things began to make sense. I realized I had a false sense of self worth that boosted my ego more than it boosted my self esteem. As a result, I had a bad temper, I was prideful, a horrible friend and had drastic mood swings. I was a mess.
So how did address the self talk?
Literally head on! I wrote down every negative thought that came to my mind. I was brutally honest about what I thought about myself. The ugly deep thoughts I had regarding my mistakes and failures that run through my mind. I wrote them in pencil on a lined piece of paper. Then, I decided on a positive course of thought process and I wrote those positive affirmations in red on that same same piece of paper, under the negative ones. Then I opened up and was honest with a few people about these negative thoughts I was experiencing.
So am I conquering the thoughts?
“Watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits, they become your character. Watch your character, it becomes your destiny”.- Unknown
I learned to change my thought pattern by focusing on the positive and healthy thoughts. I began to speak and think positive things to myself. I keep affirmations in my playlist and on my lips. I recorded my own affirmations that I initially listened to. However, I also found guided meditations on YouTube that have affirmations. That changed my thought process and helped to shape a more positive view of myself. I choose a positive perspective. I choose to love myself. I choose to think well of myself.
I tell my mind what to think. I listen to positive affirmations, podcasts, YouTube videos, I encourage myself and most importantly. I listen to what my mind and body needs. If my mind and body says “rest”, I do it. I began to mediate. I had to change my understanding and perception of what meditation was first. Then I used meditation, day and night to help change my thoughts. I had to literally tell myself that I love myself and find all the reasons that I love myself. I found wonderful reasons to love myself. I decided to love myself more as a I realized no one else could do it for me. There was no one coming to rescue me and make things happen for me. I literally have to be my own rescue. This made me love myself more. My thoughts changed my actions; and my actions changed my life. When I loved myself then I also began to believe in myself. I am actively making strides to progress to the next level.
BUT!! I would be lying to you if I said that was the cure all! Notice, I said “conquering” above. This is an ongoing process. I tell my clients all the time…. The negative thoughts still come. And some days are better than others. The victory is in this! There are negative thoughts I used to ruminate over. I used to stay stuck in a negative rut for weeks. I would replay events and negative words that were said to me and stay in a dark pit with no light in view. Now, the dark pits only last a few days, or maybe just a few hours depending on the situation. This affects my mood, the energy I give off, my confidence, and my self love.
Here are a few things I began to implement;
Create a morning routine
Daily Affirmations
Make time for Self Care
Its ok to say “No” sometimes
Deal with hurt and trauma experiences
Forgive yourself and others
Seek a therapist ( there is nothing wrong with talking to a professional)
Set boundaries and goals for yourself.
Still have questions? Need more help with working through your thoughts?
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